February 7, 2010 Julie & Julia, or "Amy & Amya"

I just saw that movie Julie and Julia and got inspired to blog again. It's a sunny day in TC, and snowshoeing is on my horizon. I can just walk out my door and walk out to the field in the next sub over, and on into the trees, where an ungroomed trail then leads me through those woods and into the groomed trail that neighborhood snowmobilers and cross-country skiiers use. Since I have my ipod on while I'm snowshoeing, it can be hard to hear a skiier come. Not that I've actually seen a skiier. It's so quiet out there. I would hope I'd hear a snowmobile creeping up. Yea, cuz that's what snowmobiles do - they creep up.
I find it amazing that I haven't blogged in so long. Well, not really. The kids make it near to impossible to concentrate for more than 17.4 seconds at a time. Lucy is sitting next to me scratching her excema (so hard that I would venture to guess a few layers of skin have come off as well). All those over the counter lotions and cremes are a joke for her. She just itches her way through life. That poor girl (and in turn, her poor parents). She has so many issues. Non-serious, most of them. It all depends on how seriously you view excema. Apparently I don't at all, because if I did, I would make a dr. appointment to have it checked out, but as you now know, I haven't done this. Why, you might ask? Well that's because of all the other little non-threatening issues she has, that , added up, drive us crazy! Last time she was at the dr (2 months ago) I was so focused on the raised bumps on her abdomen, which turned out to be a virus called "molluscom contagiosum" and the time before that when I took her we were all wrapped up in her toilet training issues - now labelled by her doctor and every other expert as "toilet training resistance." (well no kidding - wait - you mean it's not normal for a 5 year old to poop little bits of fecal matter into her underwear every half hour?). That reminds me, since she stopped doing that for about 1month but then started up again, I'd better get her back to the doctor. Poor Lucy. She always has these little nagging issues following her. First it was colic at 3 months. Then she started itching herself from about age 2 on. We used Aveeno with oatmeal extract bubble bath. Supposed to soothe her. It didn't. We used and still use Aquophor. She keeps itching. She had 2.5 years of the most terrible twos you could ever imagine. It wasn't as if the temper tantrums were ever resolved. Once, when she was 3, she was so mad that I made her hold my hand as we crossed a busy street, that she cried for TWO hours because I wouldn't let her go back across the street (alone, mind you, was the request), and then walk back across it (alone, of course). I'm all for letting a kid establish their own independence, but I draw the line at safety issues!
At age 2.5 we made a plan to potty train her the same way we'd potty trained our oldest. We'd (I'd) go to the island with my mom and the kids for 3 weeks, and, while there, tell her that Beaver Island didn't have diapers, and I didn't bring any, so she could choose to either go naked or wear underwear. She straddled back and forth between the two at first, but within one week was in underwear, using the toilet regularly. What a breeze it all was! I remember wondering what the big fuss was that parents made about potty training; after all, here I was, having successfully potty trained two children, and at the time having only one to go. And, him being a boy and all, I figured, if there were going to be any problems, he'd be the one to have them.
Oh silly parent and your well-made plans! Three weeks later and on the mainland, that kid straight up refused to use the potty at home. For a little while, she'd amuse me and go at Meijer, but everywhere else she just "let go" whatever was in her system in her underwear. And that's been her MO, as my dad would say, ever since. She just didn't care. She is a very intense person, so she'd play for 3 hours with her barbies, and not want to be bothered with anything so menial as toilet needs. After which time, she'd come to me and tell me a whole story about her barbies' names were, and who got married that day, and where they would all live. At the end of this diatribe, she'd usually end with "and oh yea, I peed in my underwear, so you'd better change me."
I know this sounds vain, but I think the girl is too intellectually gifted to be bothered with going the bathroom! Her thoughts and clear-cut questions are so deep and well-spoken, so you are struck with the fact that she plainly gets it. She knows how to get to a bathroom.......right? So why doesn't she? We started thinking Ellie was a smart kid who just didn't make a big show of it, and that most kids were like Lucy. Time has shown that Lucy is the exception. What was missing here was embarrasment. Ellie would rather die than go #2 in a public place. Lucy will poop in a crowded room of people and think nothing of it. So what is it? I'm still trying to figure this out. Is Lucy just too interested in other things to make time for the br? It seems to be a family trait, whose names I shall leave blank. I've tried patience, (endless amounts of it). I've tried various angles on them - "it's gross, it's embarrassing, it's smelly, you're too smart for this, I don't care what you do it's your poop not mine" - and they all work for about a day. The next day it's back to the same thing. I worry about her health now. Encompresis (constipation to the lay person) is harmful for the body, after all! On a side note, Trey potty trained himself with very little effort on our parts, it seemed, right during one of Lucy's worst weeks. And he continues to take care of it completely independently, because "big boys don't use diapers." We told him this, and guess what, he believes it! For Lucy, these statements are about as uninfluential as advising a bird not to fly south in the winter.
I guess these aren't "table talk" issues, as my mom would say. But they are MY issues. And I also think maybe they aren't just "non-threatening" issues. Every parent has issues with their kids. It's true none of my kids have special needs (though this would be a blessing in many ways) or have a brain tumor that needs surgery. But when all of you other kids are so "easy" give or take, it can - in comparison - be just as traumatizing, I have the gall to proclaim!