Feeling sorta random today. Usually like to write with some attention to reader interest and correct syntax, but not today. Blog will probably read like a personal diary instead, but don't worry, I have nothing murderous to confess. And I promise not to talk about depression, because it apparently scares people. So does being blunt. :)
Having some end of summer lazy days, well, for the most part. My last days of summer I have purposely designed to be this way. No outside commitments if I can help it, and all of my work is self-directed and self-motivated, from home. Not that, honestly, most of my life isn't structured this way anyway, but these last few weeks before school starts I have been more intentional than ever about it. All too soon I will be ruled by school schedules and twice or four times daily pickups/drop offs. I like the regularity of it, essentially, but it is nice to also to have time off from it. So, I'm cleaning more, and getting the house organized for school. These are really pleasant tasks, and I relish the time I have to spend on this, and take great pride in making it all work.
The small things in life have always held a dear place in my heart - a cup of tea, kids playing happily at my feet, soothing little "owies," a stroll down the street, a bike ride with kiddos, etc. A lot of these things are of course interrupted by little arguments and frustrations, and sometimes outright cat fights, not to mention pee accidents and demonstrations of the inability to listen when I'm talking. But whatev. These incidents all serve as opportunities for me to "mold" my kids, teaching them those important lessons of how to share and get along with others, to tell the truth, to acquire patience. These are so important! There is a joy to be able to transfer these things on to four, precious souls. It is overwhelming at the same time, but in my teaching I become more patient myself. Everything you need to know about how to live you can learn from you kids, I believe. If you want to learn to not act out impatiently, try teaching a 7 year with the same tendencies not to. We are both growing - I can gaurantee it. If you want to learn how to juggle a roomful of several different personalities, try juggling four kids 7 and under with 4 distinct temperaments and age - appropriate needs. My goal in life is not to have a career, but when I do work outside the home again, what I have learned here is the basic human understanding of how people work. I find that all of my volunteer work and curriculum writing is less of a challenge than my four stinkers. Vastly different, but more manageable because of my boot camp. I can't imagine the heartache of being away from their love and progress all day, and am grateful that I have learned the skills to manage a home in a way that saves us money enough to do this.
On another note, I think my haircut from yesterday is too short. I really really got excited at first, and still am, when I felt that weight fall off my head! And it will grow, I think I'm just having a mourning period. My hairdresser is going on maternity leave so I wanted to do something drastic before she left. Well, I did. Looks good, but feels so strange right now!
Last night we headed off as a fam to a kid birthday party. I swear that it was summer when I went inside to change for leaving. When I came out, it was fall. I went back inside and changed to pants and grabbed my raincoat! So I hang on to these "lazy" days of summer, heading to the beach even though I feel beached out, and putting the sprinkler on for the kids. It's my last summer to have a 7 year old, a 5 year old, an almost 4 year old, and a 2 year old, and these days won't last...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Days 6 - 11
So I missed a few days writing. I think that's because this detox has become more a way of life, less a struggle that I needed to vent about. I understand more what this is all about. I have changed several things, on my own, thus coming up with a combination of suggested meal ideas and my own tastes. In many cases, I still eat the same things essentially, but just in different ways. For instance, I love eggs in the morning. I used to eat them cooked in butter and milk, and loaded with cheese. I now eat a 3 egg omelet, that is cooked in coconut oil, sans the cheese and milk, with mushrooms and peppers. So I get more taste, really, than I got out of it before, and much less fat. I feel energized afterward, not sluggish.
I have not bought or eaten a loaf of white bread since probably high school, and therefore thought I had "eliminated" white bread from my diet. So why had I not noticed a difference? Well, because white bread is disguised everywhere (well not really disguised, just cleverly overlooked by me) - french bread with spaghetti, breadsticks with that pizza order, eating out at Jimmy Johns (this hurts, as I love JJ - when I go there again, it will include a WW order), and for that matter all eating out. It's SO easy to make excuses, as we all know well! And what's with Amercans eating two carbs with one meal? Why are we even adding bread to a meal that already contains pasta? It's so much more satisfying (and less sluggish) to eat a whole grain carb with your meal, or skip it altogether and have salad. I keep it real with the salads, because they can get old if you don't. Every week I buy different toppings for them (veggies, spices, fruit, nuts) and I never use dressing.
I have cut out almost all dairy, with the exception of cream in my coffee. I think the first time I used butter in two weeks was last night when I made cornbread to go with my veggie chile. And hold on.....actually, I didn't even use butter! I used "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" (this always makes me think of a Yooper non-butter they sell there called "Is It Butter?", which always prompted my brother Kevin and I to demand, "I don't know, IS IT?!" and fall over laughing). The lower peninsula version has no trans or even sat. fat, no sugar, no nuthin'. (I think that's a recent change but not sure) My point here is that butter can sneak in, in many forms, as I'm sure my faithful reader Kirsten, (a fellow blogger about food) can relate. When you're baking, it's tempting to say, "Well...........the recipe CALLS for butter, and they made the recipe, so they must know what they are talking about, so I guess I'd better just use butter....." Same for flour. I always have substituted WW flour, but now I am using gluten-free flour, such as in my corbread last night. (btw cornbread is an ok carb for me because cornmeal contains no gluten) But I could have eaten that entire cornbread it was so good, and I had to limit my serving size. I drank water instead :)
In summary, I would like to clear up a myth about my green tea - it IS caffeine free. That's it.
K, I'm off.
I have not bought or eaten a loaf of white bread since probably high school, and therefore thought I had "eliminated" white bread from my diet. So why had I not noticed a difference? Well, because white bread is disguised everywhere (well not really disguised, just cleverly overlooked by me) - french bread with spaghetti, breadsticks with that pizza order, eating out at Jimmy Johns (this hurts, as I love JJ - when I go there again, it will include a WW order), and for that matter all eating out. It's SO easy to make excuses, as we all know well! And what's with Amercans eating two carbs with one meal? Why are we even adding bread to a meal that already contains pasta? It's so much more satisfying (and less sluggish) to eat a whole grain carb with your meal, or skip it altogether and have salad. I keep it real with the salads, because they can get old if you don't. Every week I buy different toppings for them (veggies, spices, fruit, nuts) and I never use dressing.
I have cut out almost all dairy, with the exception of cream in my coffee. I think the first time I used butter in two weeks was last night when I made cornbread to go with my veggie chile. And hold on.....actually, I didn't even use butter! I used "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" (this always makes me think of a Yooper non-butter they sell there called "Is It Butter?", which always prompted my brother Kevin and I to demand, "I don't know, IS IT?!" and fall over laughing). The lower peninsula version has no trans or even sat. fat, no sugar, no nuthin'. (I think that's a recent change but not sure) My point here is that butter can sneak in, in many forms, as I'm sure my faithful reader Kirsten, (a fellow blogger about food) can relate. When you're baking, it's tempting to say, "Well...........the recipe CALLS for butter, and they made the recipe, so they must know what they are talking about, so I guess I'd better just use butter....." Same for flour. I always have substituted WW flour, but now I am using gluten-free flour, such as in my corbread last night. (btw cornbread is an ok carb for me because cornmeal contains no gluten) But I could have eaten that entire cornbread it was so good, and I had to limit my serving size. I drank water instead :)
In summary, I would like to clear up a myth about my green tea - it IS caffeine free. That's it.
K, I'm off.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Day 4 Detox and Depression
This day was in all honesty so bad that I couldn't bring myself to write. Not necessarily because of the detox, but that certainly didn't help. I got a little low on carbs. I hadn't had ANY carbs since Tuesday (2 days), not even the healthy kind. Don't know how that happened but it clouded my thinking and feelings and basically colored my whole day. It started with sadness and loneliness, and transitioned to being very irritated with the kids, then just plain feeling low and not knowing why. It was at that point (as it usually is) that I realized it was a depressive episode. I looked at my crazy pill bottle and saw that the refill I had just picked up was less than the normal milligrams per pill, and that's obviously what sent me spiralling down. I'm sure that no carbs didn't help. My urge was to binge eat to make myself feel better, but I controlled it for the most part and had some detox tea and a piece of toast with cheese. Felt a bit better, but still in horrible mood.(poor Joe and kids!) Joe came home with a new vaccuum for me (so sweet, as I had merely mentioned wanting a newer, lighter version of the ancient one I had only 2 days ago) Went to beach with whole fam dam and felt good only while in the water, playing with kids. Made a stop at Home Depot to pick something up and Joe also ran in to Office Depot to grab me some mail slot shelves for organzing the kids' papers from school. (I hadn't been able to find them the previous day when I had a babysitter). School shopping is now complete!
I have two things to say here. One is, do NOT allow yourself to get low blood sugar while doing this detox or any diet. Eat a little something before you feel ravenous, to stave off hunger. Food is Fuel. Plain and simple. It can taste good and should have flavor, but it cannot improve overall mood or make the world seem brighter on a bad day.
Two, mind over matter is a HUGE thing. It kept me from very very negative thoughts and kept me going for the sake of the kids. Depression is an illness, and as I have explained several times to those close to me, on a good day, it is managed with eating right, exercising, praying, staying busy, and thinking of others before yourself. On a bad day, you can be doing all those things right and still feel very "off" to put it lightly, and have no control over it. I suspect that the refill being off is the problem, but I don't know for sure. So, mind over matter is essential on these days. You tell yourself that this day will pass, that tomorrow you will feel better. And guess what, it's tomorrow and I feel better! That horrible sinking feeling assailed me first thing this morning, but thoughts of others' well being dragged me out of bed. I EVEN made it to Meijer with all four kids. Are you impressed?! I certainly was! But, help me Lord, the 5 people who stared at me and said, "looks like you got your hands full" did not get polite responses for me. I guess the bad mood had lingered on, just a little :)
I have two things to say here. One is, do NOT allow yourself to get low blood sugar while doing this detox or any diet. Eat a little something before you feel ravenous, to stave off hunger. Food is Fuel. Plain and simple. It can taste good and should have flavor, but it cannot improve overall mood or make the world seem brighter on a bad day.
Two, mind over matter is a HUGE thing. It kept me from very very negative thoughts and kept me going for the sake of the kids. Depression is an illness, and as I have explained several times to those close to me, on a good day, it is managed with eating right, exercising, praying, staying busy, and thinking of others before yourself. On a bad day, you can be doing all those things right and still feel very "off" to put it lightly, and have no control over it. I suspect that the refill being off is the problem, but I don't know for sure. So, mind over matter is essential on these days. You tell yourself that this day will pass, that tomorrow you will feel better. And guess what, it's tomorrow and I feel better! That horrible sinking feeling assailed me first thing this morning, but thoughts of others' well being dragged me out of bed. I EVEN made it to Meijer with all four kids. Are you impressed?! I certainly was! But, help me Lord, the 5 people who stared at me and said, "looks like you got your hands full" did not get polite responses for me. I guess the bad mood had lingered on, just a little :)
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Day Three
Good news to report today. Made a little stoppey-stop at my doctors' office today to weigh myself, and had lost two pounds! Melissa B. says a pound a day is pretty typical for the first week. I am being about 95% hard on myself, as far as cheating goes, and if I could sum up the whole process so far in one word, it would be self-control. That's really what ALL bad eating habits boil down to. And if I could add another one, it would be moderation. We all need a vice or two here and there. But how immoderate are you with it? My ice cream once a week had turned into every night (in the winter, especially), and if we are honest with ourselves, do we really feel good after eating ice cream? Negatory.
My darling cousin Shena and I had an awesome talk about veganism while she was visiting last week, and how everything you eat is real actual food, and you feel great after eating it. Added much perspective to my detox, and I'm glad to have had it. More on that perhaps later.....hubby is waiting for me to watch a movie, which I will enjoy whilst sipping green tea, WITH caffeine.
Adios.
My darling cousin Shena and I had an awesome talk about veganism while she was visiting last week, and how everything you eat is real actual food, and you feel great after eating it. Added much perspective to my detox, and I'm glad to have had it. More on that perhaps later.....hubby is waiting for me to watch a movie, which I will enjoy whilst sipping green tea, WITH caffeine.
Adios.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Day 2 Detox
Woke up full. Literally. I expected to wake up very hungry, as usual, but I think my stomach is already adjusting to smaller portions. Decided that I can't drag through the morning that way, so had black coffee. NICE. Feel like myself again. Pathetic addiction!
My head feels much clearer. Prayer comes quicker, so I can definately see the mind/body connection with this. While sitting with my coffee, I looked over at Trey. After eating his cereal, he had cuddled up on the chair, facing away from me, and looked like he was contemplating, which was odd, because he is never quiet this long. He continued this for another 20 minutes. I was insanely curious to know what he was thinking, but didn't want to interrupt, so I went on reading. At the end of 20 minutes, he came over to me and I said, "What were you thinking about, bud?" He replied, simply, without any hesitation, "gum." Men!
Mid-morning I met Melissa, my detox support buddy, at the pool and then we meandered with the kids down to the beach to eat lunch. She brought me a "shake on the go," and I felt less jealous of the kids' PBJ's than I did yesterday. Didn't even want a chew on the way home, even though I remembered to bring them. Drank tons o' water.
Dinner: Turkey burgers on a bed of lettuce. Sounds pretty darn good!
I will end with a quote from my favorite Phish blogger, Mr. Miner, who comments after each show, giving such insightful follow-up that I feel like I was there. Here, he is talking about their last night at Berkely before heading to Telluride yesterday: "Phish used their intricate communication to craft a deep trek into the band’s rejuvenated soul. Plain and simple, “Light” blossomed into the most impressive exploration we’ve seen since the band stepped back on stage in 2009. With a stunning journey into the heart of the unknown, the band proved their intention, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to confront new musical frontiers on a nightly basis."
My head feels much clearer. Prayer comes quicker, so I can definately see the mind/body connection with this. While sitting with my coffee, I looked over at Trey. After eating his cereal, he had cuddled up on the chair, facing away from me, and looked like he was contemplating, which was odd, because he is never quiet this long. He continued this for another 20 minutes. I was insanely curious to know what he was thinking, but didn't want to interrupt, so I went on reading. At the end of 20 minutes, he came over to me and I said, "What were you thinking about, bud?" He replied, simply, without any hesitation, "gum." Men!
Mid-morning I met Melissa, my detox support buddy, at the pool and then we meandered with the kids down to the beach to eat lunch. She brought me a "shake on the go," and I felt less jealous of the kids' PBJ's than I did yesterday. Didn't even want a chew on the way home, even though I remembered to bring them. Drank tons o' water.
Dinner: Turkey burgers on a bed of lettuce. Sounds pretty darn good!
I will end with a quote from my favorite Phish blogger, Mr. Miner, who comments after each show, giving such insightful follow-up that I feel like I was there. Here, he is talking about their last night at Berkely before heading to Telluride yesterday: "Phish used their intricate communication to craft a deep trek into the band’s rejuvenated soul. Plain and simple, “Light” blossomed into the most impressive exploration we’ve seen since the band stepped back on stage in 2009. With a stunning journey into the heart of the unknown, the band proved their intention, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to confront new musical frontiers on a nightly basis."
The DODA does Detox
This is kinda like "Debbie Does Dallas," except not at all.
I started a 28 day detox yesterday, to overhaul my system. I lost my baby weight up to a point, and now my body is hanging on. I won't bore you or embarrass myself with my waiste measurements and poundage, though that is part of the detox requirement, but rather have those recorded in a paper journal. You know, the "old-fashioned" way to write.
Day 1: Woke up ravenously hungry and not a lot excited about not being able to make some cheesy eggs and toast with coffee (naturally, as my body is addicted to the sugar in bread). I had felt pretty in control the night before, as I sought out acceptable food items for the following day. In the morning, of course, I could have gave a crap, but forced mind over matter and made a shake, and skipped the coffee. (definately much harder than giving up alcohol,which is also required). Instead, I had a green tea to clear my liver out. Mmmmm yum. Not that bad, actually. Just not quite the punch of caffeine I needed (probably because there IS no caffeine in green tea).
Morning progressed a little draggy and tired. I was too tired to even be grouchy. Left house for allergy shot and quick trip to a mass jungle of wood and kidnapping terror (some people call this Kids Cove Playground) and was starving by the end of that anxiety trip. Kids felt overwhelmed too, and ended the event with a four way scream session that rivaled a hockey game. I had forgotten my snack chews (which are protein-packed and quite delicious), so I literally raced home and mauwed (sp?) two chews. I think in future I will keep the chews in the car.
Lunch consisted of a healthy salad which left me feeling hungry within 45 minutes. I love salad, but I usually punch it up a few notches with some lean turkey to keep me going. I gave in and had some regular tea with a splash of milk and a chew two hours later. (When I write "I had a chew," do you envision me with a wad of tobacco in my mouth?) Felt better but then folded laundry and mopped the floor. Clearly my body is used to more protein, because I was exhausted after this. Hubby arrived home to sell his old car to an unsuspecting high schooler and suggested that we go to the beach since he was home early. I went and laid down for an hour nap.
Woke up refreshed, had a shake with added fiber, and headed off with the nearly two-year old to Meijer for a much better store of dark leafy greens and fruits, not to mention SALMON, which should be a shock to anyone who knows me. The detox recipe I read for salmon with fresh lemon and dill sounded so good in my ravenous state that I wrote it down on my shopping list in the midst of it. We shall see.
Shopping went well. Purchased mostly organic and locally grown. Excited for the 6 meals I haved planned for the remaining week. Finished off the night with small portions of organic, hormone-free chicken and brown rice, surrounded with spinache, tomatoes, carrots, peas and strawberries. DE-lish, as my cousin Shena would say, and the whole fam loved the whole foods.
My concluding feelings for my first day of detox? THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I never realized how much I enjoyed eating whenever and whatever I wanted. I've always eaten fruit and veggies all day, but always loved my "tea and toast" and ice cream. Feel good about the day overall though. Went to bed early and slept well. I'm thinking that sleeping well will be a huge part of my success.
I started a 28 day detox yesterday, to overhaul my system. I lost my baby weight up to a point, and now my body is hanging on. I won't bore you or embarrass myself with my waiste measurements and poundage, though that is part of the detox requirement, but rather have those recorded in a paper journal. You know, the "old-fashioned" way to write.
Day 1: Woke up ravenously hungry and not a lot excited about not being able to make some cheesy eggs and toast with coffee (naturally, as my body is addicted to the sugar in bread). I had felt pretty in control the night before, as I sought out acceptable food items for the following day. In the morning, of course, I could have gave a crap, but forced mind over matter and made a shake, and skipped the coffee. (definately much harder than giving up alcohol,which is also required). Instead, I had a green tea to clear my liver out. Mmmmm yum. Not that bad, actually. Just not quite the punch of caffeine I needed (probably because there IS no caffeine in green tea).
Morning progressed a little draggy and tired. I was too tired to even be grouchy. Left house for allergy shot and quick trip to a mass jungle of wood and kidnapping terror (some people call this Kids Cove Playground) and was starving by the end of that anxiety trip. Kids felt overwhelmed too, and ended the event with a four way scream session that rivaled a hockey game. I had forgotten my snack chews (which are protein-packed and quite delicious), so I literally raced home and mauwed (sp?) two chews. I think in future I will keep the chews in the car.
Lunch consisted of a healthy salad which left me feeling hungry within 45 minutes. I love salad, but I usually punch it up a few notches with some lean turkey to keep me going. I gave in and had some regular tea with a splash of milk and a chew two hours later. (When I write "I had a chew," do you envision me with a wad of tobacco in my mouth?) Felt better but then folded laundry and mopped the floor. Clearly my body is used to more protein, because I was exhausted after this. Hubby arrived home to sell his old car to an unsuspecting high schooler and suggested that we go to the beach since he was home early. I went and laid down for an hour nap.
Woke up refreshed, had a shake with added fiber, and headed off with the nearly two-year old to Meijer for a much better store of dark leafy greens and fruits, not to mention SALMON, which should be a shock to anyone who knows me. The detox recipe I read for salmon with fresh lemon and dill sounded so good in my ravenous state that I wrote it down on my shopping list in the midst of it. We shall see.
Shopping went well. Purchased mostly organic and locally grown. Excited for the 6 meals I haved planned for the remaining week. Finished off the night with small portions of organic, hormone-free chicken and brown rice, surrounded with spinache, tomatoes, carrots, peas and strawberries. DE-lish, as my cousin Shena would say, and the whole fam loved the whole foods.
My concluding feelings for my first day of detox? THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I never realized how much I enjoyed eating whenever and whatever I wanted. I've always eaten fruit and veggies all day, but always loved my "tea and toast" and ice cream. Feel good about the day overall though. Went to bed early and slept well. I'm thinking that sleeping well will be a huge part of my success.
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