Disciplining myself....er...them. Yea, them.

So I've been teaching a weekly faith formation class to second graders at my church, and while I thought I had some wisdom to impart, it seems that instead I am the student.  First of all, I realized that my mediocre disciplinary skills weren't going to hack it against 13 seven - year olds who all know each other from school.  One of the more assertive little girls told me right off the bat:  "Okay, those two can't sit next to each other at school so maybe not here either."  Boy was she right. (future teacher?)  I was immediately humbled.  Literally, I am ashamed to admit, I had not even made a seating chart after 3 weeks.  I naively thought I could rule with "love."  Literally:  love.  That's what makes the world go round, right?  What EVER.  I confused that with discipline.  I had subbed before, but this was the first time I had to make the rules, and it is totally different.  I was like Anne of Green Gables on her first day of teaching, when she actually told the kids that she wanted everyone to get along and so could they please do that?  It backfired for her and it backfired for  me.  Those kids see that you have a heart and it's all over.  Those first few classes I decided that I was a complete failure.  It didn't help that all the other teachers somehow found out I couldn't control my roudy bunch and condescendingly offered "advice."  Why had God called me to do this?  I was obviously way too weak to run a classroom.  I didn't quit, though.  Since I had parents who made me complete things, no matter how much I wanted to quit, I knew that I had to push through.

What can I report, now, halfway through?  Well, I dug in my heels and did some research and VERY unwillingly (still unwillingly, actually, but I ignore it) made some class rules and a seating chart, and had a serious chat with the kids about some clearly laid-out consequences.  I hated doing that.  I really truly just want everyone to be good, and am too understanding when they aren't.  Were my mom to read this she would smile and shake her head.  She knows how sensitive I am, and how I put myself in the kids' shoes to a fault.  I remember vividly what it was like to be a kid, how it felt to be scolded, so I hate to do it.   It's silly, really. 

All of my friends are awesome disciplinarians; I fall very short of them.  In case you wondered, my pattern goes something like this:  Kid whines, I ignore.  Kid whines, I start inwardly fuming.  Do nothing (it will stop, right?)  Kid whines, I say "stop!"  Kid whines, I say "stop" again.  I say stop a few more times.  Joe walks in the room, sweeps kid off their feet and into their room. (oh wait, this is only 20% of the time.  The other 80% when he's not home I have to actually DO something).  I threaten to take things away, then take them away.  Kid doesn't care, I take more things away.  Kid still doesn't seem affected.  I put them in their room.  I think my routine is pretty acceptable, except that it is not immediate enough, and has too many steps. 

But good news!  Don't freak out, dear readers.  I(we) have implemented some changes.  Kids have house rules and clearly defined, immediate consequences, as of 2 days ago.  How's it going?  Pretty fair.  I wanted to report that we have 4 little behavior miracles but let's just say.......it's a process.  They are testing all the rules now with an intensity that would push over an elephant, just to see if I'll give in.  However, after 2 straight days of time-out for Mollie climbing on the table and playing with the Advent Wreath, she hasn't touched it once today (10:59am).  The old Amy would have just put it up high and avoided all the timeouts, but I just decided that this is OUR house, the parents' house, and I want that wreath on my dining room table, dang it!  She's 2 1/2 and she can follow simple don't touch rules.  I have done enough reading about the psychology behind toddlers to know that their impluse control is practically nil.  Now I am responding to it, rather than just understanding it :)  Like I said, it's a process for this tired mom.

So back to my second graders.  They are such dears!  We have been  having such lovely conversations about their little lives, and I learn so much about how they think and what they think.  They force me to be serious with them, since they don't understand my primary language (sarcasm), so that's been good for me.  I am practicing the art of balancing being a good listener vs. letting the students take control of the conversation, transitions, having designated helpers, etc.  We are pretty used to each other by now.  We put on a play of the Annunciation / birth of Christ a few weeks ago and they did a wonderful job and enjoyed it immensely.  We are practicing now for our Advent program and sing our hearts out.  I love Christmas season, anyhow, but being able to experience it through the eyes of children makes it that much more enriching.  Also, being with them enhances the enjoyment of Christmas with my own children.  (also, Ellie is in my class so it has been an added bonus to see how she acts in a classroom up close)

Last night I asked the kids to write down something they would like to do or change in themselves this Advent season, and then put that slip of paper in the empty manger while we wait for baby Jesus to come. Here's a sampling of their sincere, funny, and frank thoughts:

1.  try to love
2.  not hunt animals
3.  i will do more work
4.  do not ckik  (kick?)
5.  i will do nothing
6.  punch my brother in the gut
7.  I will try to get my spelling test right
8.  I will help the white rabbit
9.  I'll not be bad to people

Kids........Ya gotta love 'em.