Ever wonder why people always say "staying home is THE hardest job" and try to make it sound like a compliment? That's because they're thinking "I would never do this no matter how much you paid me." I actually agree with them, because it isn't actually a "job" in the sense of a career, or the place you're at 8 to 5 Mon-Fri. I think they're sort of trying to compliment you, but given my sometimes uncanny sense of reading between the lines, I am totally reading that they respect it, but they just don't get it. And worse, they look down on it. I mean, why would any woman become a slave to multiple human beings?

When I had my first baby, I began staying home for the first time. I had always worked, because that's what people do. But all it ever was to me was a paycheck. I got very little satisfaction out of any of the jobs I had, and looking back, when I did, it was only within a context where I was using maternal skills that made me feel like I was making a difference. And the interactions were brief, and the people's lives I touched, I never got to see any long-term results.

I suppose that in this day and age the pursuit of making other people happy is not considered a valid career choice. Well, that's because it's not a career at all. It really is a vocation. But how is a person happy at it? Famous persons, including Ghandi, Helen Keller, and several others, define happiness as doing something outside of themselves; in essence, as Mother Theresa did, make a life out of caring for others. What?

This is in essence what a stay at home mom does, if she does it right. This is a crazy notion by most women (and men's) accounts. But what's in it for the almighty me? The self. Love of self. This is the crux of our social issues today. Looking at yourself first in all you do is the single-most destructive thing a person can do in their lives. For any person, single or married, this means the pursuit of pleasure constantly. The "what's in it for me?" mentality. It stifles relationships and breeds boredom, because though it is our instinct to be selfish, it doesn't bring happiness. Not TRUE happiness. Just temporary pleasure, which is not the same thing. Happiness doesn't mean you walk around all day with a big grin on your face, and never have a bad day. Happiness is more like peace - the peace you feel when you do the right thing. Sound familiar? Even though I have learned this through my Catholic faith, everyone has heard it in one form or another.

Now apply it to motherhood. I'm not in it for me. I'm caring for others to make them happy, and guess what? This makes ME happy! Huh? Doi? Ooga? Yep, you heard it right. I can't call that a "job!" It is a calling, yes, and in my faith understanding, a "vocation." (such as the priesthood or the monastery, only it's a vocation to motherhood). This is a completely foreign notion to our society. By society, I mean the rude woman at the grocery store who counts your children in front of you and says "did you mean to do that?" and the barista who inquires not so nicely, "are these ALL yours?" They don't get it. All they see is a woman drowning in children who looks like she got into this situation accidentally. Of course I've been that frustrated woman at Meijer and the tired, irritated mom in the line at Starbucks. But it simply isn't fair for someone to look at me when I'm caffeine - depleted and judge me. It just looks worse when there's children around the mom for some reason. Children call attention to themselves, and therefore to the mom. It's a strange cross between trying to live a quiet life while constantly in the spotlight. I don't wish for the spotlight. It would be easier to care for someone in front of the same people every day, such as in a nursing home. Instead, I have a constantly roaming audience and I never know what the response will be. From myself or from them. Moods can alter the response. I wish I were one of those people who came up with the right response that fit every situation. Usually, I'm armed with some mean old spiteful comment and the woman says something kind about my children, so I have to change tactics. Just about the time I've decided that the whole world is kind and everyone loves children, someone says "I see you had a third since you're second was a girl too." This comment doesn't deserve a response. I suppose my charity has a limit. Rather, it has days with limits. But the peace within my soul from knowing I'm living the life I was called to live helps me to get up again the next day and face the mob again, and hopefully, with a little more charity than I had the day before:)